


Never Again (Letting You Go)

by bittersweetrush



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Eruri canon, Kendo, M/M, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-14 09:11:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5737909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittersweetrush/pseuds/bittersweetrush
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Semi-Reincarnation & Modern Era fic)</p><p>Levi is a kendōka in Japan. He somehow retained the memories of the Survey Corps days. Erwin, on the other hand, is a business consultant in America and doesn't remember anything. The two of them cross paths and Erwin is drawn to Levi, even when he has no memories of him or their relationship from before. Levi longs for Erwin, but he is hesitant due to their circumstances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

 

_It’s a dream._

Levi knows because he sees Erwin standing to his left on a beach. It’s just the two of them, he can’t tell whether the sun is going down or rising, but somehow he knows it’s a sunset. They’re in their uniforms, yet no one else is around. They’re standing in the water with their pants rolled up, though it doesn’t help with the ocean waves crashing against their shins. Erwin is gazing at the sinking sun. And Levi is too for most part with occasionally stealing glances at Erwin. His right arm sleeve is tied up and blowing slightly in the wind, as his blonde hair dyed orange by the sun. Erwin has such a peaceful look on his face, but soon his gaze turns to Levi.

"We’re finally here, huh.”

Levi takes a little long to reply, studying Erwin’s eyes; he hasn’t seen them in a long time. He only gets to see them in his dreams.

“Yeah.” He finally answers and Erwin turns to him, smiling softly, and reaching out with his other arm to bring Levi in. It felt somewhat unusual that they would embrace without kissing, but this moment, whatever it was, was about their milestone together as team and humanity rather than their relationship. Erwin pulled him in with his left arm around his shoulders and Levi let himself be pulled in by Erwin. He turned his head ever so slightly to meet Erwin’s broad chest with his cheek and in that moment his eyes opened and he was staring at the digital numbers on an alarm clock. His face was resting on a pillow instead of Erwin’s chest.

He slowly sat up, disoriented and still faintly smelling the salty ocean air. He had forgotten for a second he was in a hotel room in the States, which was more jarring to wake up from a dream than he would have in his own place. He scrubbed his face with one hand, running it upwards on his face to his head to grabbing the back of his neck while dropping his head. He closed his eyes and exhaled quietly.

_Just a dream._

............

 

Levi shaved quickly then cleansed his face. He turned off the faucet then stared into the mirror, still a little jarred from waking up like that. He had to get ready to head to the dojo for the day. Then he was going to a party at Mike's gastropub (or whatever it was called) in the evening for some Friday night thing Mike insisted on him attending. 

It had been a long time since Levi was last in America. He wasn’t sure when he would ever be back, but who knew Kendo would be the occasion to bring him back.

Ever since he could remember, he had always lived in the U.S. His parents’ jobs had brought them to America since Levi was a toddler until the age 12, when a tragic car accident killed them both. He was in it as well, but the memories have now gotten hazy over the years. Shortly after the incident, his uncle’s family from Japan took him in. Struggling to adjust back into a culture he knew very little of, the same uncle introduced him to Kendo as an outlet. The outlet became a real talent over years then the talent brought home awards and recognition. 

And here he was. Teaching at an acquaintance's dojo overseas. 

Well, not just anyone. His memories from the ‘previous life’ hit him like bricks shortly after he had moved back to Japan, which made the transition that much harder. He wondered, as he got older, whether the shock and stress somehow made him remember or it was just timed by pure coincidence. It’s not like he could ask though. While he has run into a handful of his comrades from the past in his lifetime, no one had the same condition. 

Last year, he found out Petra Ral existed in this life and coincidentally was also into Kendo from California. She’s about the same age as ‘before’ and like everyone else, didn't remember anything. Yet some things clearly don’t change, because apparently she’s admired Levi for his skills in kendo for a while. He met her at the last year's championship game in Japan, but it wasn't just her. He also met Mike and Nanaba, or it was more like Mike sought him out. 

Mike was the first one Levi met in two decades that remembered everything. He also lives in Los Angeles, running a few restaurants and bars of his own. Just like Levi, Mike had also run into a considerable number of people from their 'previous' life, but none who remembered. Petra happened to be a customer at one of Mike’s restaurants when he happened to be present for the night. If she didn’t recognize him on initial contact, he would have just let her pass by like others, but she was meeting a friend, who turned out to be Nanaba, and Mike couldn’t let the opportunity pass. It didn't matter to him whether Nanaba remembered him or not. He approached them, the three of them became acquaintances, then friends, and eventually he pursued Nanaba.

After getting to know Petra well, he found out about Levi (the really small yet strong guy from Japan) through her enthusiasm for Kendo.

Had it been someone else, he might not have made the effort, but he really wanted to meet Levi. The problem was that Mike wanted to be in touch and probably could have asked through Petra and her organization to somehow get in contact with Levi by saying he’s an old friend, but that would make no sense in this life. Especially when Petra doesn't remember anything and Mike didn’t know if Levi did. So, when Petra’s organization went to Japan for the world championship, Mike decided to tag along with Nanaba, making excuses like supporting Petra and sightseeing. He caught Levi’s attention through shouting his name from the audience (with Nanaba slapping his back to sit back down after acting like an obnoxious foreigner). He knew the moment Levi spotted him in the crowd, not only did Levi know exactly who Mike was but he finally found someone who also remembered.

Levi didn’t have much time to spend with Mike during the competition, but he made an exception for one late night dinner with just the two of them. They caught up quickly, asking each other questions and trying to figure out how and why they remember who they were before and whom they’ve met so far in their lifetime.

After coming up with a fake story of befriending Levi, Mike introduced Levi outside Kendo to Petra (who was more over the moon than skeptical) and they’ve been in touch ever since. Levi, seemed to still have fondness towards his underlings. Petra and Levi discussed once that he should someday come and guide her students and colleagues if there was a chance. With an unfortunate ankle injury late last year, Levi had to take some time off from Kendo. When his rehab was over, Petra invited him and he decided to accept it. 

 _Two decades_ , Levi thought as he flicked off the bathroom light switch. It's been two decades since Levi's world was turned upside down. A lot had changed since then. 

............

 

After he was done at the dojo, Levi quickly returned to the hotel to shower and change. As he pulled on his black jeans, he wasn't exactly sure why Mike wanted him at this party and it became even more unclear when he stepped into the restaurant. He was expecting a party, but the place was already crowded with not a single familiar face in sight and full blown into more of an event than a party that he immediately wanted to turn back and leave. Good thing Mike was unnecessarily tall in this life as well, it made it easy to spot him in the place. Levi approached him and Nanaba to say hello then Mike brought Levi over to the bar to make him a drink.

“You drink much?” Mike asked as he slid a glass of amber drink to Levi from behind the bar. 

“No. People in Japan drink too much, but thankfully I can have sports as my excuse not to drink.” Levi replied as he picked up the glass and sniffed.

“You’re probably not all that social anyways.” Levi let out a 'hmph' and gave Mike a look. “What, am I wrong? And don’t worry, I won’t force you to drink all that much.” He said as he poured another glass for himself. “This is really good stuff- just wanted to share a drink with you, Levi.”

With that, Levi’s gaze became more understanding and he clinked his glass with Mike’s. He sipped the drink a bit and was pleasantly surprised by how smooth it was. “So, why did you make me come here tonight?” He asked as he sat his drink down. 

“What do you mean?” Mike questioned back with a hint of smile.

“Because you know that I don’t do social gatherings like this. I don’t see anyone here with ‘familiar’ faces except for Petra and Nanaba. I can see you or them any other time, I don’t see any reason why I would fit into this situation, but you clearly wanted me here.” Levi answered as he rested his chin on his hand.

“I can’t invite my friend who’s in town to the party at my restaurant to meet my friends and girlfriend?”

 There was a faint sound of the pub door opening in the distance, making the bell hung above the door ringing.

 “Bullshit.” Levi said with a smirk on his face and took another sip. 

Mike returned the smirk and said, “I didn’t say the friend was you.”

Before Levi could say ‘what?’, Mike looked past Levi and raised his hand to call someone.

 

“Erwin! Over here!”

 

Levi froze for a second then turned around to see who had just entered the bar.

With a crowd of people between the bar and the door, he had to see between the people, but there he was. Erwin Smith in flesh, tall and attractive as Levi remembered him, ****even at first glance. He was wearing a navy 3-piece suit with his black outerwear draped over his arm to carry, a little too formal and business-like compared to everyone else in the place, but it suited him well. Erwin smiled as he spotted Mike and began walking over to the bar.

Levi quickly turned back and muttered, “Fuck….”

This is exactly why Mike wanted him here tonight.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Levi sat very still on his bar stool, with one hand holding onto the bar for leverage. Part of him wanted to just get up and walk away, but a big part of him wanted to finally meet Erwin.

During his and Mike’s short encounter in Japan, Mike did let him know that he’s met Erwin a long time ago and like everyone else they had met, Erwin didn’t remember anything from their past lives.

Levi remembered being quiet for a while because he had always hoped to find Erwin someday, but the reality was a bit different. Not only did they live far apart but also if Erwin didn’t remember anything, there really wasn't a point of meeting him, let alone trying to somehow maintain a friendship across the ocean if they did meet. How would they move onto an actual relationship and how do they work it out? It was better to move on. So Levi didn’t pursue meeting Erwin. He just finally muttered, “I see” to Mike at the time. 

Mike and Erwin both exchanged their greetings, clearly excited to see each other. They clasped their hands then proceeded into a half hug with the bar in between them. Then Erwin stood right behind Levi’s chair at the bar to continue chatting with Mike and all of Levi’s tension went to his back. He could faintly smell Erwin’s cologne at this distance even with his back turned to him. It was surreal.

“Good to see you, man. Thanks for coming down, I know you’re probably busy as hell.”

“I can spare an evening fine. Thank you for the invite. I don’t think I’ve been in this place yet.”

Levi closed his eyes as he properly heard Erwin’s voice speak for the first time in his life. He thought he remembered Erwin well, but physically hearing his voice was something Levi couldn’t be ready for. It was overwhelming and relieving at the same time. His voice was low and calm, but there was softness to it that wasn't always there before due to the days within survey corps and being the ruthless leader he had to be. Except when he was alone with Levi. Erwin’s voice resonated somewhere deep inside him, cutting through and wringing a longing he didn’t know he had. 

“Oh right, this place is relatively new. It’s a gastro pub, so it’s a little different from the other places…”

Levi could feel Mike’s eyes on him as he chatted, looking to see how he was doing and for an opportunity to introduce them. He’s pretty sure Erwin’s also noticed that Levi was Mike’s company before he got there. He didn’t really have a choice; he couldn’t exit gracefully with Erwin standing so close and he admitted to himself that he wanted to meet Erwin as well. He finally glanced back at Mike.

“Erwin, this is Levi- he’s visiting from Japan right now. Levi, this is Erwin, my good friend from high school that I told you about.”

Levi turned around on his bar stool to come across Erwin’s extended hand, “Pleased to meet you.”

Levi could do nothing but stare at his hand for a moment. This was indeed his first time meeting Erwin, in this life, but he knew that hand. Yet here he was, offering his hand for a handshake a stranger. _What a joke,_ Levi thought.

He finally took hold of the hand. “Hey.” is all he could manage.

…………

 

Not that Levi had anywhere else to be, but he soon excused himself to get away from the bar, saying something like ‘I’ll let you guys catch up.’

He did go and talk to Petra for sometime, but since she had no memory from their Survey Corps days, there wasn’t all that much connection anymore other than kendo. He was befriending her from only his memories of her and a shred of grief. Countless numbers of lives were lost on the field, but he always did feel that she died too young. It was nice to see her on this side, living to her fullest.

That was always the problem though. In the beginning, he tried to establish a connection in some ways when he's run into people from ‘before’. However, he quickly realized that being in such different era and circumstances, there wasn’t much to bring them together or stay connected. You can’t force a friendship, especially when the motive is one sided. After some encounters, whenever he ran into anyone, he would just appreciate from afar that they were alive, safe, and leading an ordinary life. The only person he sparked a friendship with and stuck around was the stupid glasses scientist back home.

After a brief conversation, Levi excused himself from Petra as well. She was with a bunch of lady friends including Nanaba, who were clearly excited about the weekend and had the energy Levi didn't want to keep up with.

The gastropub had an upstairs seating as well, so as a way of killing time, he climbed the stairs to look around. It was significantly smaller than downstairs, but it still seated a good number of people and even had a small stage.

While the downstairs was crowded, the upstairs wasn’t as bad. Levi spotted some glass doors that led to what looked like a balcony. The night was quite chilly for California, so the majority was staying inside. He headed for the door.

As he opened the door, he stepped aside and held the door open for a couple of guys who were coming back in after smoking. He was glad to be alone on the balcony.

The balcony was more like a rooftop, very spacious and the fences were quite high, so with his height, he didn’t get the best of the views but he leaned over to get a look. The evening air was filled with sounds of the crowd of people down below and the cars on the street.

Before he could form any thoughts to himself, the balcony door opened again. He quickly glanced over to look without much thought, but then everything came to a halt when he saw Erwin walk through the doors. When Erwin saw him, he gave Levi a friendly smile.

Levi wasn’t sure if he wanted to see him right now, especially alone. He just turned back to the fence and continued to look out. He could hear Erwin’s shoes clack on the concrete towards him. He stood beside Levi, checking out the place like he was a minute ago and looking over the fence.

Levi stole a glance, almost expecting to see the right arm gone, instead he was in a well-cut suit. The sun was almost gone down, but it was eerily like his dream this morning. When Erwin was done looking around, he turned to Levi.

“Mike mentioned you were visiting from Japan?”

“…Yeah.”

“Vacation?”

“Sort of." 

Levi knew he was giving him very short answers. When he looked over at Erwin after some silence, Erwin was looking at him with an expression of ease, waiting for him to elaborate. _God damn it, always so composed._ Levi sighed and gave in.

“I was asked by an acquaintance to teach Kendo in LA. That’s why I’m here.”

“Oh… Oh. You wouldn’t happen to be the friend Mike mentioned having won the world championship last year, are you?”

“…………Yeah, that would be me.” Levi answered then muttered under his breath “Didn’t realize he was so chatty about me.”

“That’s remarkable. It’s been a while, but still, congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Usually people are shocked to hear that Levi is a world champion athlete at his size. Some have even taken it as a joke. Obviously, Erwin didn’t put him and ‘the champion friend’ together at first impression, but Levi did appreciate Erwin not showing any signs of doubt and shock after hearing it.

“Do you still compete?”

“No, not really. I injured my ankle badly last fall hiking with my family. Took a few months to recover. Also, I’ve been around for a while- I want my juniors to have a chance at it. I just teach now most of the time.”

“I would love to see a match.”

Levi turned to look at him. There was genuine interest in Erwin’s eyes.

’No.’ He thought. ‘Don’t get close to me.’

He was happy to see Erwin, he really was, but it was also painful to see a man, who he remembers so well, remember absolute nothing about him. Frankly, he wasn’t even sure if Erwin would be interested in him in this world, let alone swing that way.

“It’s not all that interesting.” 

…………

 

"Mike. I'm taking off." Levi approached Mike as he put his jacket on.

Mike turned around from the group he was chatting with, ”Leaving so soon?"

"You son of a bitch." Mike smiled then began to walk Levi over towards the door.

"I couldn't _not_ introduce you guys. I told you when we first met that he's around. He happened to be in LA for a business trip while you were still here.”

"And what do you expect to happen? He doesn't remember shit." Levi was careful not to sound bitter. Mike just shrugged.

"It's Erwin. He's same as ever." 

"Yeah? Well, the circumstances have changed." With that Levi turned around to leave. 

"Goodnight Levi."

Levi just waved his hand over his head casually without looking back. He knew Mike was trying to do something nice but he wasn't sure how to feel about being reunited with Erwin.

 

Erwin.

 

Erwin who remembers nothing of their past lives.

He was about to turn the corner when he heard a familiar shout. 

 

"Levi!"

 

He knows that voice too well. For a second, he was tempted to pretend not to have heard and get himself to disappear before Erwin caught up to round the corner. But he didn't seem to have the willpower to deliberately avoid Erwin. He stopped in his track and looked back to see the blonde rushing to him.

"I just heard from Mike that you are leaving."

"Yeah, I have to teach again tomorrow so I don't want to stay out too late or get drunk." He looked up at Erwin.

"Of course." Erwin smiled at him. If Levi didn't know the man so well, he wouldn't be able to figure out that Erwin was actually hesitating about something. Deep inside, it was nice to know that Erwin hadn’t changed all that much enough for Levi to get a read on him. He kept on staring at him without continuing the conversation, waiting for Erwin to get out whatever it was he was hesitating.

"I meant it when I said I was interested in seeing a match." Erwin finally spoke.

"I don't compete anymore."

"I know. But you teach. I am here for work, so I may not have time this trip, but I was wondering if I can get your number or email."

That. Levi was not expecting. 

"Uh.... Sure. I have a temporary cell here. I'll give you that and my email address."

"Great." Erwin beamed and handed over his phone with a new contact screen open for Levi to type things in.


End file.
